She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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