I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
