Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
