you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
