I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize