when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Terrible idea I love it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
