My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
