Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
