all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
