We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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