As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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