u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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