How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
