i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You can't just leave with hair like that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
