That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
