So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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