Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
