I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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