Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
