This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
