You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
