i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize