I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
