he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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