We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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