She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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