Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
