I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We got so high we made milksteak
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
