This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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