You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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