Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
