good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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