No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
