he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
