Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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