he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize