Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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