Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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