Non-Jews are for practice
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
