i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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