Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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