Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
