soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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