I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
