apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
