4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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