Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
