so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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