Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
