...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
