the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
