He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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