I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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