Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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