I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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