I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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