then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
