I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
