I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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