yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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