I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
