1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize