I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize