I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
