You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
