he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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