Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize