Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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