ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
