i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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