dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
