So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize