Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
