OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
