I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
