There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
