Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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