Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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