for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
