that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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