good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
