Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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