Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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