i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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