I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize