we're blogging at a bar
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
